Knock Knock

Good morning!

This isn’t the best day to be sending out a newsletter.

Most of us are probably tired of “news.”

And I’m certain some of you, if not all of you, are feeling a bit tense today.

So, I’m just going to say one thing: Don’t give into the stress of the day.

Take some time to laugh and/or smirk. To help you out, I’m sending you a few corny jokes.

Don’t roll your eyes. Just read through them. I’ll bet you smile at least once.

HERE YOU GO!

Why did the bee get married? He found his honey.

Did you hear the rumor about the butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it!

I’m really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta

Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It is two tired.

What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.

What does it make you if you see a robbery at an Apple Store? 

An iwitness.

What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a keyboard? The space bar.

What is brown and sticky? A stick

Can February March? No but April May

OK…JUST A FEW MORE….

Why do sweaters stick together? Because they're close-knit.

Did you hear about the octopus that held up a convenience store? It was an armed-

robbery.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”

Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt-quacks.

Did you hear about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads.

I wasn’t a fan of facial hair, but eventually it grew on me.

Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's the same as regular tennis, but without the racket.

What did the mummy say after getting detention? “This sphinx!”

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Did you hear about the guy giving away dead batteries? They were free of charge.

What do lawyers wear under their pants? Briefs.

Did you hear about the equestrian that got laryngitis? Now she's a hoarse whisperer. 

Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn't see himself doing it. 

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can do math and those who

can't.

ALMOST DONE…PROMISE….

I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say, so I just used big words.

Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked.

A horse walks into a diner. The host says, "Hey!" The horse says, "You read my mind."

How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights.

Why aren't there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful.

What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.

Did you hear about the math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems.

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.

Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score.

Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids.

Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.

Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins.

I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.

Why don't lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

SORRY…CAN’T RESIST…

Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock-tor.

Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr.

How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.

Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up.

Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest.

Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It's something he

could see himself doing.

Why do frogs like playing baseball? They're good at catching fly balls.

How do lumberjacks know how many trees they’ve cut down? They keep a log.

Why are sports stadiums so cold? Too many fans.                                   

Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.

What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot.

How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz.

Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism.

I'm obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's a terminal problem.

OK, OK…I HEARD YOU….

What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.

Why shouldn't you trust trees? They can be a little shady.

Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts.

If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow!

Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s faster than walking!

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of

cake.

What's the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.

Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.

What did one math book say to the other? “I’ve got so many problems.”

What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot!

What do you call two bananas on the floor? Slippers.

So….was I right? Did you smile even just a little bit?

I thought so.

Have a good day, friends!

Renee

Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of

jokes.

Couldn’t help myself….